Its never easy to watch someone you care for struggle, but sadly, as people grow older, it becomes a more common occurrence to see friends and family struggle with things they previously had no problem with – one such thing being alcohol. As people grow older, they may find that the effects of the same amount of alcohol they consumed when younger, now have a more dramatic impact. Older adults also tend to take more medications, some of which can boost the effect of alcohol and cause other harmful interactions.
Not just that, but major life changes or health issues can also lead to alcohol misuse or alcohol use disorder as people struggling to cope turn to drinking alcohol to get them through the tough times. However, alcohol misuse often doesn’t affect just one person. It can also cause stress and worry for friends and family. As someone watching their close friend of family member struggle, it can be difficult to communicate your concerns and find ways to help a loved one cut back or quit drinking. And yet, there is a path forward if you’re asking how to help an alcoholic friend, and it begins by understanding and being able to recognise alcohol addiction and abuse.
The Symptoms of Alcohol Abuse
The first step in learning how to help an alcoholic friend and get them the support and love they need, is to learn about alcoholism and alcohol abuse. The more you know about the signs and symptoms of alcoholism, the easier it will be for you to spot problem behaviors in your friend.
Alcoholism is a term used to describe someone with an alcohol use disorder. Someone with alcoholism has both a physical and psychological dependence on alcohol, just like how someone who suffers from drug abuse has a physical and psychological dependence on substances.
Alcoholics may have problems controlling their drinking habits or choose to keep drinking even though it causes problems, problems which may interfere with their professional and social relationships or even their own health.
Alcohol use disorder can range from mild to severe, but everyone who suffers from it can be labelled universally as alcoholics as even the most mild patterns may develop into more serious complications.
Early treatment and intervention can help people with alcohol use disorder. While it’s up to the person to willingly start their sobriety journey, you can also help, if you learn how to help an alcoholic friend. This help can range from a referral to an alcohol rehab, consultation with a support group, or even a simple conversation with the person you are trying to help.
How Alcohol Abuse Affects Friends or Family Members
Alcohol abuse and addiction, which is also known as “alcohol use disorder”, doesn’t just affect the person drinking, it affects their families and loved ones of that person too. Watching a friend or family member struggle with a drinking problem can be as heartbreakingly painful as it is frustrating. Your loved one may be disrupting family life by neglecting their responsibilities, getting into financial and legal difficulties, or mistreating or even abusing you and other family members.
Witnessing your loved one’s drinking and the deterioration of your relationship can trigger many distressing emotions, including shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. Your loved one’s addiction may even be so overwhelming that it seems easier to ignore it and pretend that nothing is wrong. However, in the long run, denying a drinking problem will only bring more harm to you, your loved one with the problem, and the rest of your family.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your struggle. Alcoholism and alcohol abuse affects millions of people, from every social class, race, background, and culture so there is help available for you in support groups and social resources. While you can’t do the hard work of alcohol use disorders for your loved one, your patience, love, and support can play a crucial part in their long-term recovery.
What To Do Before Talking With Your Friend or Family Member
To begin with, choosing the right time to have the important conversation as it can have a large impact on a person’s mental health. Try to have the conversation in a place where you know you’ll have quiet and privacy.
You’ll also want to avoid any interruptions so that you both have each other’s full attention, and that your person is not upset or preoccupied with other issues. Most importantly however, the person you’re trying to help should be sober.
Practicing what you’re going to say is the next step for helping your friend. You won’t know how to help an alcoholic friend without letting the person you care for them and that you’re available to help in any way they need.
When having this conversation, try to formulate statements that are positive and supportive, while avoiding being negative, hurtful, or presumptuous.
Using “I” statements reduces the accusatory tone of these conversations and lets you be an active participant in the discussion. It can also be helpful to bring up a specific concern or event as reinforcement for your argument. You could mention when alcohol caused an unwanted effect, such as violent behaviour or economic problems. Rather than saying, “You’re an alcoholic — you need to get help now,” you can say, “I love you and you’re very important to me. I’m concerned about how much you’re drinking, and it may harm your health.” Prepare yourself for every response. No matter the reaction, you should stay calm and assure your person that they have your respect and support.
How to Bring Up Alcohol Use Disorder with a Friend or Family Member
Once you have prepared the core of what you want to say, the next step in how to help an alcoholic friend is to position how you are going to say it. It’s probably not going to be easy to have this conversation, but preparing yourself in advance can help.
Writing down your concerns in a list can help you organize your thoughts and feelings. It can also be useful to refer to your list during the conversation to help you stay on track.
“Focus on concrete, observable behaviors and consequences.”
Trying to use direct but empathic “I” statements is one of the best ways of how to help an alcoholic friend.
For example, you could say, “I understand that you are struggling, but I am concerned about you” if you are wondering how to help an alcoholic friend. Express your concerns directly—don’t beat around the bush. Focus on concrete, observable behaviors and consequences.
The most important thing to do though if you want to know how to help an alcoholic friend is to listen to your friend’s thoughts and concerns without interrupting. Ask them how they are feeling and what you can do to help, but most importantly be patient and don’t give up hope-it could take a few tries before they’re ready to seek help.
What Not to Say to Your Friend
A big part of how to help an alcoholic friend however is to understand that there are also certain things you should try to avoid when talking to your friend about their alcohol use. To begin with, avoid ultimatums or threats as this could cause increased frustration and difficulty, with them possibly becoming defensive or combative in response.
It is also important to try not to lecture or criticize when trying to figure out how to help an alcoholic friend. Again, this can cause your friend to become defensive and be much less willing to hear what you’re saying.
“It is important to try not to lecture or criticize.”
The next thing to keep in mind is that you should avoid laying blame when trying to figure out how to help an alcoholic friend. Remember that words like “addict” or “alcoholic” are stigmatizing and can make your friend feel attacked. Ease into these words and only being using them once the person you are trying to help has fully accepted them. On this, try to avoid confrontations as research shows that confrontational interventions are not likely to help and could actually make the situation worse. Instead, you could try to get your friend to talk to a doctor, or seek help in support groups if they won’t talk to you about their problem.
What to Do If Talking Doesn’t Work
When trying to figure out how to help an alcoholic friend, approaching them to discuss your concerns is actually a different step from an intervention. An intervention is more involved and involves planning, giving consequences, sharing, and presenting a treatment option about how to help an alcoholic friend.
An intervention can be the right course of action if the person is very resistant to getting help. During this process, friends, family members, and co-workers who want to know how to help an alcoholic friend, get together to confront the person and urge them into treatment.
“A conversation is always a good first step.”
Interventions are often done with the help of a professional counselor. This is because a professional therapist can give advice on how to get the person into treatment, explain what treatment options there are, find programs in your area and offer support that is backed in clinical understanding. However, dont feel like you first need to consult a therapist if you are wondering how to help an alcoholic friend. A conversation is always a good first step.